Tyler is not a girl, but a woman of God

 ROMANS 12
1Therefore I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. 2And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
      3For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. 4For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, 5so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith; 7if service, in his serving; or he who teaches, in his teaching; 8or he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.       9Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; 11not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer, 13contributing to the needs of the saints, practicing hospitality.       14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation. 17Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. 18If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. 19Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. 20“BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.” 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Recently, I was asked about Tyler's Quinceanera.  So, I decided to try and write it out.  I wish often we would have recorded that day.  But, we didn't so to hold on to the memory I am going to try and paint a picture of it here.
First a Quinceanera is a special celebration/ceremony that a young Hispanic (usually Catholic) girl has on her fifteenth birthday.  It is sometimes called a "wedding to God."  The reason is it is as costly and as elaborate as a wedding, but there is no groom.  Instead, it is a day for a young lady to dedicate her life to God.  The above scripture in Romans 12, is often titled a dedicated servant.  This is the goal a mature Christian should aim for, and this is the goal Tyler wanted to tell her family and friends she was aiming for.
When my oldest niece turned fifteen she had a Quinceanera and after that day, Tyler had decided she was going to have one.  If you know Tyler she never asks for anything.  In fact, when she was little we would take her to the store and offer to buy her something, and she would always say no thank you.  So, when her dad realized she seriously wanted this party, he decided since she was our first daughter, that he was going to do it right.  Thank goodness we had a very blessed year the year she turned fifteen. 
So, since I had no idea what a Quincenera was I started to research it and figure out how as a non-catholic we should do this.  Thankfully, I found a lot of good websites.  My favorite being http://mamaknowshow.blogspot.com/2009/04/christian-quinceanera-ceremony.html.  We decided that we wanted to do this right and so we made up a purity class and assignments for Tyler to do with us.  Then we told her she had to make a purity statement as part of the ceremony.  Together, Tyler and I picked out the other ceremonies we would included in her celebration.  She wanted all her friends and family to come, and it was to be a formal event.  We asked my dad (a retired minister) to oversee the ceremony.  We found a beautiful hall to hold the party in.  We went shopping for the dress.  We got jewelry.  Every member of the family got formal clothes to wear.  Tyler chose to have a court of fourteen total (six boys and eight girls).  She chose her aunt, cousin, three best friends, and three sisters and for boys her uncle, cousin, two close friends, two brothers. 

 

 Grandma Lisa took on the huge task of decorating the hall.

 

 Tyler went with a spring theme.  Her colors were silver, fascia, and white.  We had a special cake made. 

 

 

 

 
Then Tyler decided she not only wanted to make a special statement of faith and purity, but she also wanted to sing a couple songs of praise to God.  She worked hard to prepare to sing that day.
We decided on the rose ceremony, the Bible ceremony, the ring ceremony, and the friendship ceremony. 
So, here is how that day went.  It was a perfect day.  Thanks to all the help we had.
We arrived at  the hall and decorated and then it was time for everyone to get dressed.  We got all the brothers and sisters dressed, and grandma Linton started to do hair. 

Aunt Chopper entertained the kids while we all got ready.

Then Tyler got her gown on and grandma did her hair. 

All her friends arrived and got ready, grandma even did some of their hair.  Guests began to arrive and take their seats. 

All the court took their special places up front. 

Then Tyler's dad walked her in with the song "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLtHJ-grcEw playing.

 Jeremy then welcomes everyone for coming and thanks them for celebrating Tyler's life with us.  He explains that this special day is a day of Worship to God and dedication to him from Tyler. 

Then my dad comes up and shares a special message reflecting on Tyler's life up until now, and reminding her that to serve God all the days of her life she will need to know His word.  He then presents her with a Bible. 

Then my mom, mother in law, and I each present Tyler with a white rose each at different stages of bloom to represent the stages of her spiritual growth.  As a bud she only knew God as her creator, then as she began to bloom she began to know him as her savior, and know that she is blossoming she can know him as her everything , and give him her whole life.  I cried, and my mother in law totally lost it.  My mom gave a beautiful speech that I really wish I had recorded.

 Next, Jeremy and I present Tyler with a ring as a reminder of how precious she is and that she should save the gift of herself for marriage.  After this, Tyler sings and gives her speech.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h64opCwLZCw  Her speech brought tears to us all.  She shared how she knew God had her future in His hands and that she wanted to life a pure life in heart, mind, and body.  She shard how she hoped to share Christ with the lost and hurting. 

Then she presented her friends with each with a yellow rose and thanked them for being there for her. 

Lastly, she finished the ceremony with another song.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fa8w7mGug0c 

Oh, I forgot the prays.  Both her dad and my dad prayed for her.  After the ceremony we had a delicious catered meal and cake.  So many wonderful friends came out to celebrate with us that day and helped with preparing for it and cleaning it up.

I can never truly capture the beauty of Tyler that day, and the presence of the Lord with us all.  I can say that on her wedding day I will be bringing a big box of tissue.  I hope she sings that day too.  As she sings I can't help but enter into worship God with her.  But, I am happy to wait on her wedding day for many more years, and to celebrate as each of her younger siblings turn fifteen.

Before Jeremy's Journey

The story of Jeremy's heritage starts with a seventeen year old girl realizing she is pregnant and scared of what that means for her.  She quietly cries out to the God she knows is there for her, and she hears Him comforter and assure her that she can have this baby, and He will be there with her.  God tells her he loves her and that the baby she is carrying is special to Him.  I have heard this story from my mother-in-law many times.  Yet, every time it brings tears to my eyes.  I am so very grateful to God for seeing her through that day, and helping her make the choice to have Jeremy. 
Jeremy was born and taken home from the hospital to live with not only his single, teen mom, but to be loved by his grandparents.  He spent the first few years being raised in his grandparents home while his mom finished high school.  Those years with his grandparents created a special bond between them.

Jeremy's grandparents are/were God fearing, church attending, hard working people.  They come from good homes.  Jeremy's grandpa's father immigrated to the US as a teen.  He was a hard working man and very enginuative.  He was suppose to work on the Titanic, but instead ended up working on a different ship.  He did all kinds of jobs. He was a cook, butcher, farmer, and business man.  He taught all his kids the value of hard work and hard earned money.  From the stories grandpa has told me his parents loved on their kids and loved God.   Jeremy's grandpa is also a hard working man, loved his wife, loves his children, and loves God.  Jeremy's grandma was raised my her grandmother after her own mother died when she was a little girl.  Although, her childhood wasn't always easy, this simple act of her grandmother's shaped her into the woman she was.  She was tough and hard working.  She loved her family more than anything else.  No matter how you entered into her family, birth, adoption, marriage, it didn't matter.  Once you were family, you were hers and you mattered.  These were the people who helped raise Jeremy in those first few years.  I am sure when they first found out that their baby girl was pregnant there was some initial disappointment and heart break for her.  But, the love they had for their child out weighed that hurt, and they embraced her and her child.  To this day, Jeremy feels very close to his grandparents, and is grateful for the support they gave his mom during those years. 

When Jeremy was three years old, his mom married a hard working man who immediately took Jeremy as his own.  He adopted him and never considered him as anything less than a son.  Jeremy's dad was the only son to his parents, and his mother and sisters thought the world of him.  Jeremy's dad worked hard and taught his sons (Jeremy and his two younger brothers) a work ethic that is hard to find these days. 

Both Jeremy's parents had experience going to church as children and knew the truth of Christ, but through tough times had gotten away from those truths they heard as children.  But as they began raising their sons they felt it was important to encourage them to go to church, know God, and live moral lives.  They encouraged Jeremy to reach for his dreams and to seek Truth.  I am so grateful to Jeremy's parents and grandparents for teaching him the values that they did and helping to make him the man he is today. 
This of course is a rough summary of Jeremy's background.  I am excited to now move on to the next step in our story.  I think the next posts will be glimpses into our childhood leading up to our marriage.  Thanks for reading along. 

If you like this post, you might also enjoy. 
 http://hirn-happyhealthyhomeschoolers.blogspot.com/2012/07/mothers-love-that-never-ends.html

Before Our Journey

I have been thinking on what part of our story to tell next, and today as I was thinking about my parents and what a blessing they are to me, I decided to tell the story of them.  So this blog is going to be about what came before Jeremy and I.  I will start with my parents and then in a later post I will share Jeremy's family history. 
My mom was second generation American.  Her parents were of Mexican and Irish descent.  Both her parents families settled in American and wanted to be all American.  So, it was encouraged to not hold on to the old ways, but to move forward into American ways.  Both families were Catholic by name.  Mom's parents were hard working.  Her dad had only one arm, due to a hunting accident as a boy.  But, that never was an excuse for not providing for his family.  But there were some problems in the home, both parents had a drinking problem which lead to other problems.  Mom and her older sister often did what they had to survive.  Mom's parents divorced when she was a teen.  She and her sister both married young.  Mom didn't even finish high school, but dropped out to marry the man of her dreams.
 Dad came from a disciplined and ordered home.  His family farmed and his dad worked for Dow.  He has three siblings, and his family was always close.  His parents did not attend church on a regular basis but often sent the kids to church and vacation Bible school.  His parents were very  moral and raised their kids to be hard workers and responsible members of society.  When dad and his brother started getting into trouble as teens, grandma and grandpa decided to go back to their religious roots and see if that would help them raise their kids.  Grandma was a woman who was known for never speaking a harsh word or gossiping (even though she had nine sisters). Grandpa became very involved in the local church.  But this had little impact on dad, at the time. 
When dad met mom it wasn't long before they decided to marry.  After marriage, life settled into a routine.  Mom got pregnant and gave birth a year after they married to my sister.  My mom's greatest desire was to be a good wife and mother.  She wanted to do a better job than her parents.  But, she soon realized no matter how hard she tried she couldn't do it.  So after having me, her second baby three years into her marriage, she made a decision that would forever change her life, my dad's life, and the life of all our family.  She decided to go to the local church.  She was hoping to find the answers she needed to be the person she so desperately wanted to be.  She loaded my sister and I up and took us to church.  That first experience impressed her so much, she asked my dad to go with her.  So they both went.  With in weeks they both realized that the message the pastor was preaching was for them.  The preacher said God loved them enough to send his son to die for them.  He told them that they like everyone, were sinners and needed a savior.  This was a message my mom had never heard, but it immediately rang true in her heart.  Dad realized that he had heard this message before as a boy, and believed it, but had over time forgotten it.  So, together they made a decision to make Christ their Lord and savior.  This was such a radical experience in their lives that they began telling everyone they knew and loved about it.  My dad's family embraced this truth, and so did many of my mom's relatives.  Lives were forever changed because of the amazing love God poured out on my parents and their friends and family. 

This love motivated my parents to reach out to others.  Soon they became foster parents to children who needed a loving home.  Mom had another baby girl.  Our house was always full of kids and fun.  Then one day mom and dad both realized that God had been talking to both of them separately about serving on the mission field.  This was crazy.  But, they knew they needed to obey God's calling and stepped out in faith.  They were accepted by a mission organization and we moved out west to serve God by ministering to the native American Indians.  Over the years, my parents continued to grow in their faith and serve the Lord.  Every time God called them to something new it required an act of faith, as each job paid less and less money.  After leaving the mission field dad became a full time pastor.  No matter where we went mom and dad took in foster kids and helped over three hundred children through some of the toughest times in their lives.  They taught us girls how to love others and care about those in need.  When we became teens, mom and dad adopted for the first time.  Two special needs brothers.  Then over the next several years, God brought them more special needs children to love and keep forever.  I am blessed to have my two biological sisters, but also blessed with fourteen adopted siblings.  My parent continue to provided for my twelve siblings that live at home.  They continue to be an encouragement to my two adult sisters and I.  My parents would be the first to say that they are just simple ordinary people.  My mom often says she is a woman of simple faith, and high hopes.  Their walk with the Lord is not always easy.  Like all people they have bad days, and get discouraged.  But when push come to shove, they know who to turn to, and they place their trust in Him. The legacy they began continues, as both my sister's have married wonderful Christian men, have been blessed with biological children, and have also been given the great blessing of adopting children.  My parent are not perfect, but they have allowed God to work in their lives and use them to further His Kingdom.  I look forward to continuing on in faith with them for many more years.

Davey's Journey continues

Today is Davey's tenth birthday.  Wow, in many ways it seems it was just yesterday that we went to get him in California.  Yet at the same time, it seems he has been home with us always.  In these last few years, I have seen God work miracle after miracle in this happy little guys life.  He brings so much joy to our family I wonder what it would have been like if I had let my fears win, and never obeyed God in pursuit of this son. 
Daily, Davey says the funniest things, and doesn't even know it, but when we all laugh he laughs with us.  When we pray, he prays, when we play, he plays, when we do school, he does school (or at least he pretends to do school), when we sing, he sings, when we exercise, he exercises, and of course, when we eat, he eats. 
He bounces everywhere he goes, and always is happy to be of help.  Of course, he is a kid, and sometimes says, "No."  If he is with someone he can trick to let him get away with something, he will.  But, mostly he is just a happy, happy guy.
Currently, he takes no medication of any kind.  He is very healthy and strong.  He runs, jumps, and is even trying to learn to ride a bike.  He doesn't have to wear a safety helmet 24/7 anymore, which makes him very happy. 

A glimpse into his mind for you all.  Saturday, Jeremy and I took Davey out to lunch.  Jokingly, Jeremy asked Davey, "Now that you are going to be ten what are your plans?'  Davey goes on to tell us that now that he is ten, he is moving into his own place, and taking Josh(7) and Zach(5) so he won't be scared.  He is going to get a job washing tables, taking out the trash, and picking up the floors.  He is completely serious.  A little bit later, someone asks him, how old he is going to be on his birthday?  He says without hesitation, "three."  This is my funny little guy.  Forever three, but so happy and such a blessing to me. 

That first step of faith on our journey (TylerAnn)

Jeremy and I have been out shopping for purity rings for our kids. As we shop for each of our teens, I can't help but remember the day we gave Tyler Ann her ring. I can't believe how blessed I am with this young lady as my first child. God definitely knew what he was doing when he gave us her first.

It was sixteen years ago that this independent, kicking screaming baby joined our family. From the moment she was born she made it clear she would be a fighter. She was born with three holes in her heart, but she never let that limit her, and over time God healed each and every hole. Funny thing is as he healed those physical holes he also filled her spiritual holes.

She walked early, she talked early. She was an easy baby, slept a lot, and when awake was not too demanding. She watched and learned from her surroundings. She loved everyone who came into her life easily, without judgement. Before we knew it she was making friends every time we left the house, at the park, at the grocery, at church, anywhere we went. She had a heart for the weak and down hearted. She had a compassion for animals and humans alike. Often bring in critters from outside in her pockets. She was a determined child and still is.

As she became old enough to start school, it soon was obvious she had some weaknesses in learning to read. But that never stopped her, in fact, it just made her work harder. She now not only reads, but she teaches others to read too. Dyslexia was not her enemy, but a friend to motivate her to be all she can be.

At a very young age, she started to show an interest in the Bible, and understanding the things of God. She prayed and sought God even as a toddler and preschooler. By the time she was six she knew she wanted to be a part of God's family forever. Then a couple years later, she decided she wanted to make a public statement of faith and be baptised. I was worried she was too young, but the elders of our church did a great job of making sure she understood and was truly ready.

She amazed me as a big sister and friend. She was a a natural nurturer (so not like her mother), and an excellent listener even as a little girl. Often when new foster kids came into our home the first person they connected to was Tyler. They trusted her and confided in her. Even at the age of five, I remember her one time telling the gospel message to a girl at the park. She just loved telling everyone about Jesus, and still does.

When she was nine Tyler attended her cousins Quencinera. After that day she began preparing for hers. She couldn't wait till the day when she would be able to announce to the world and God that she was going to serve God in purity and truth all her life. She wanted everyone to know that to her there was no greater joy than serving God. She began serving him by getting involved in Child Evangelism Fellowship ministry and teaching Back Yard clubs and Good News Clubs. She went on missions trips to teach children about Jesus. And she never stopped reaching out to her family, friends, and even complete strangers with the truth of God's Word.

Finally, the day came for her big party. She looked beautiful in her dress, and she sang beautifully, but the thing that I will never forget is how she glowed with the love of the LORD that day. As she gave her speech stating how she wanted to remain pure before God, and to serve Him always, I thought my heart might exploded from so much pride. AS her dad gave her a ring to be a reminder of God's presence to help her keep her promise of purity, and his and our love for her, I couldn't help but have tears flow down my face.

Now a year later, she is still an amazing example of God's grace and love for us. She is becoming a woman who loves to be in God's Word, learning it, teaching it, obeying it, and sharing it. I pray she will always have a love for God and the things of God. I can honestly say that she is becoming one of my closest and dearest friends.

I am so thankful to God for his gift of Tyler Ann.
correction Tyler Ann is now almost seventeen, not sixteen.
 

Journeying with Jeremy

This week as I drove Jeremy to doctors appointments to learn about diabetic treatment and care, I was in awe of God again and his amazing way of caring for us, His children. Over the years Jeremy has always gone in for his annual physical and things were pretty steady. Sleep apnea, high blood pressure, and try and lose some weight. Year after, year this was the same. Even last year when he was under a great deal of stress, his physical health was good. So, when Jeremy started being moody, having a short temper, and being overly tired. I wondered if he was depressed. But, felt led to just pray for him, and let God answer those prayers. Of course, the results of those prayers were not what I was expecting.

When we were living in Pennsylvania last year are life was the busiest ever. Jeremy worked twelve hour days six to seven days a week. He was dedicated to his position and committed to doing it right. It was a challenge and he rose to the challenge. Even though he would come home exhausted, I could tell he loved the excitement of what he was doing. Towards, the end of our time there, he began having panic attacks, and went in to see the doctor. He had not been on any medication for about two years, but now his blood pressure was up again. But, all his other labs looked good, and he got back to work. Even though his job was stressful, and not being at home was stressful, he placed that stress in God's hands. He had learned to lean hard on God. Another thing that happened will in Pennsylvania was our family changed our eating habits. We decided to eat whole, fresh, natural foods. With this diet change we began being healthier. Then Jeremy made the decision to leave his current position and return to his former position back here, in Michigan.

The return was stressful on our whole family, as we left an amazing church, and an amazing season of relying on God. As we settled back in here, we picked up some of our old habits that we had left behind. I noticed Jeremy seemed depressed, angry at times, and short tempered. I thought maybe he was not happy being back, maybe the slower pace was too slow. He continued to assure me he was very glad to be back in the IT department. But, I could tell there was something wrong. I began praying, and asked Jeremy to go to the doctor. He didn't make time to go to the doctor, until his C pap machine (sleep apnea machine) started acting up. When he went in, his blood pressure was extremely high. The doctor ordered lab work, and told Jeremy to return in a couple weeks. Well, Jeremy didn't follow up with the labs. But then he began having chest pain. It scared him, and we went in to urgent care. It was just reflux, but he was told to follow up with his doctor. The beautiful thing was his follow up appointment was early in the morning. So early, that Jeremy didn't even eat before he went in. So, having a lab right in the office, they were able to do his lab work right then. Since he hadn't eaten the doctor decided to add a test for diabetes. Praise the Lord, because even though less than a year ago his physical showed his sugar in a normal range, his numbers that morning after fasting all night were over 400. As soon as we heard this we both realized that Jeremy had been having symptoms of diabetes for a couple months. Great hunger and unquenchable thirst, frequent need to urinate, mood swings, trouble sleeping and concentrating. Now, no one ever wants to hear that they have a disease and it will need to be treated and monitored the rest of their life, but there is a great relief in knowing what is wrong with your body when you don't feel yourself.

Another amazing factor in all this is God's timing. If Jeremy had developed to this point in his health when we were in Pennsylvania, he would not have been able to continue to work at the pace he was working. Here, he can take the time to get the medical care he needs and prevent further health risks, like heart failure or stroke. Also, the fact that we had already made some healthy eating habit changes, Jeremy doesn't have to be overwhelmed by a new diet and taking medication and charting his blood sugar. Our current diet is exactly what he needs to be doing to help aid in healthy sugar levels. God knew what Jeremy could handle, and He in his graciousness prepared him for this time of getting healthy.

So, Jeremy has a way to go but,God is gently taking him by the hand and leading him on a road to better physical health.

The cool thing is as Jeremy journeys into a better physical healthy place, God takes Him and I into a better spiritually healthy place to. As I trust God to care for Jeremy (without me nagging), I grow in my faith. As Jeremy listens to God and obeys him, he grows in His relationship with God. And as Jeremy obeys God, we all as a family are blessed as we are witnesses of God's work in his life. I am always so grateful to know God's ways are so much better than mine. Praise the LORD!

God's Story in my son Daniel's Life

This month, as I have been driving my three oldest back and forth to driver's education classes, I couldn't help but marvel at the work God has done in my oldest son's life. I remember so clearly the day he came home to us, I remember the days he left and then returned again. I remember the look in the psychologists eyes when he gave us what he believed was Daniel's future prognosis. I also remember the day the truth of Christ became real to him, and he made him Lord of his life. Each day, week, month, and year that has passed with him has been a miracle and a gift that God has given me to be a part of it.

That day no so long ago that Daniel came to us, as a frightened three year old, changed my life forever. He was dirty and scared. I remember bringing him into the house, and like every good foster mom, immediately giving him a bath and checking him for lice. As I spoke gently to this timid little boy, whom I was told spoke only Spanish, I could see the fear in his eyes. I spoke to him in my broken Spanish, and hoped it offered him comfort. As soon as the bath was over, I of course, offered him something to eat. He did not trust me, but fear of what might happen if he didn't eat made him pick up the snack and eat. After finishing the snack he placed himself in the corner of our small living room. He remained there the rest of the day, until we placed him in bed. The next day he spent the day again in that corner, day after day he stayed there. As he stood in that corner, he watched as we interacted around him. The children, TylerAnn (3), and Rachel (1), Adam (a special needs foster child who had been in our family for a couple years), and Lydia (Daniel's baby sister)played around him and even stopped to talk to him and try and included him. I cleaned and cared for the home and children, and would stop and talk and smile to him. I knew from being around foster children all my life, it was better to give him his time and space. Eventually, hoping he would start to feel safe and trusting. Finally after weeks, he started to interact with the girls and come out of the corner a little at a time. Once in a while, a light would show in his eyes and every so often something would make him smile and you would see the cutest dimple in his cheek. But then everything changed.

A strange thing happened the day we took Daniel and Lydia into our family. It was always our goal as foster parents to help parents and children reunite. We wanted to build up families. So we never planned to adopt the foster children we took into our homes. But, the day we took Daniel and Lydia into our home was different. When I got the call to take them in something deep inside me said, “make a life-time commitment to these two.” This was really weird and even more strange was I felt like accepting the placement even though I couldn't get a hold of Jeremy to ask him. Jeremy finally arrived home from work that evening, and the first words out of his mouth were, “where are the kids?” I looked at him with a look that said, “how did you know?” He said, “God told me we would get some kids today, and that we are to make a lifetime commitment to them.” As you can imagine, I was floored. To this day, I praise God for giving us such a clear word, because what happened next could have been so different for their future if God hadn't given us that word.

The court decided Daniel and Lydia should be moved to a fluent Spanish speaking home. Both their parents spoke Spanish as their primary language, and it was assumed that Daniel also spoke Spanish. Normally, in a situation like this we would send the children on with our love and prayers, and move on to the next children that God sent our way. But, for some strange reason, I felt I needed to tell the caseworker that when they needed to come back to us we would be ready for them. We got lots of calls for other children, but God said to hold the spot. After a couple months we receive a call, Daniel and Lydia need to be moved. This foster home abused and neglected them and the damage was evident. Daniel returns to his corner in the living room. We start all over.

Slowly, he begins to trust again. He begins to play with Tyler and Rachel again. Often, though when I am not looking the children near him are getting hurt, mysteriously. There isn't just fear in him now, there is anger too. He doesn't talk still, and it is clear he doesn't know Spanish or English at all. When people do speak to him in Spanish he becomes anxious and upset. We decided to not use Spanish at all, and ask all our friends and family to not speak to him in Spanish. Of course, as he goes for regular visits with his parents and relatives each week, he has a great deal of anxiety, and after each visit day, is a day of standing in the corner.

Then we get another call from the case worker. An aunt and uncle have requested to take the children in. So, Daniel and Lydia will be moved again the next day. I agree to take them to the aunt. I tell the aunt that if she needs any help with them at all she can call. I tell the caseworker when they need a home for them to call. A couple months pass, and I give birth to a baby boy, Brenden. Then the call comes, the aunt can't care for them any longer. Their needs are just too much for her to handle. My heart breaks for this aunt, because I can see she really wanted to care for these precious ones, and felt like a failure. But, she had three little ones of her own and they lived in a small apartment in a bad neighborhood. So, she was stuck inside with them all day, everyday. Lydia crying all day and all night, and Daniel standing in the corner scared. It was more than she could do. So, the Daniel and Lydia return to us again.

Visits with mom and dad continue often as well as visits with other extended family. These cause Daniel great anxiety and fear. Daniel's step dad (Lydia’s father) was very abusive man. He had been beating Daniel and his mom for all of Daniel's life. When Lydia was born he began beating her the very first day she was home from the hospital. But, when he would go to far with the abuse and the doctor was needed, Daniel was blamed for the broken bones that Lydia had. Daniel was told by these parents to tell the doctors and nurses that he hurt the baby. So, even though Daniel couldn't talk he did understand that according to his parents he was a “bad” boy that hurt babies. Yet, at the same time, these same parents told him at the end of each visit that he was responsible for his sister and to take care of her. He was very confused.

The parents make an astounding confession of all the abuse done to both Daniel and Lydia. This confession is done in an attempt to show the judge that they were sorry. But, instead of showing regret the dad made statements that made it clear that he believed it was his right and duty as a father to beat his wife and children. The judge finally makes the decision to terminate the parents rights. Daniel and Lydia are made wards of the state of Michigan. Daniel is now five years old. He still doesn't really talk much. He still spends lots of time in the corner. He still shows anger, distrust, fear, and anxiety. We take him to a therapist. After the first couple of sessions with Daniel, the therapist tells us that Daniel suffers from Post traumatic stress syndrome, reactive attachment disorder, and neurological damage. She suggests we go to a genetics doctor and have an MRI done. The look in that therapists eyes will always be forever in my mind. It was a look that said, you have a hopeless situation . We decide that to put Daniel through such tests and appointments would be terrifying to him. Hospitals scared him, due to the fact that that is where Lydia was always taken and that is where he was taken from his family and put into care. So, instead of taking the therapists advice we decided to trust God and just give Daniel all the love and security we could.

Unfortunately another aunt and uncle come into the picture, and want be considered for adoption. Daniel and Lydia have never met these relatives, but visits are started and they start seeing these strangers. The aunt requests to meet me, and writes me a long letter with lots of questions about the children. I hesitate to meet her, by this point my heart couldn't take anymore pain or loss for these kids. I ask my mom to go and meet the aunt for me, and to take a letter I wrote to her. In this letter, I encourage the aunt if she is seriously interested in giving Daniel and Lydia a good home to go online and research, post traumatic stress syndrome, shaken baby syndrome (Lydia), and reactive attachment disorder. I am not really sure what changed in the aunts mind, but after that visit they never saw the children or asked about them again. So, finally after three years we adopt Daniel and Lydia.

Daniel is six years old, and he is talking but not nearly at the level of the typical six year old. He teaches himself how to ride a bike in the backyard. He continues to hurt the other children, especially when no one is looking. We begin school work. It is clear that there is some kind of learning problem. But, we press on.

Daniel begins to trust us, the light returns to his eyes, the dimple comes out more and more. But, there are some serious communication problems, and development problems. But, we decided to just keep working with him and bonding with him. Finally, when he is twelve years old, we decided to have him see a psychologist and get the tests that were recommended when he was little. When we meet with the psychologist for the results of the tests, we are very nervous. We wonder if Daniel is going to be able to learn right and wrong, we wonder if Daniel is going to be able to be independent someday. We wonder if he is truly bonded and connected to us. So, we are so excited at the first words from the doctor, “Daniel is not depressed and he is bonded to his family.” We are thrilled. But, then the rest of the diagnosis comes. “Daniel has a genetic languages based learning disorder with additional neurological damage and autistic tendencies,” says the doctor. The doctor goes on to explain to us that the half of the brain that process communication of any kind is dull in Daniel and doesn't work. He goes on to say that this is probably common in his biological family, but that Daniels case is extreme (I realize that this is probably true of his biological mom too). In addition to this he has serious neurological damage probably due to neglect in the early years of life. Lastly, he let's us know that he doesn't want to label him with autism, but there are definitely signs of it. We are not sure what to make of all this. We are definitely impressed with the thoroughness of the testing, because they asked us very few questions but did get the results from working with Daniel that we knew were accurate. The positive information he gives us is that most people with Daniel disorder don't talk or read at all. The doctor actually asked us how we worked with Daniel, since he did talk and read. We of course knew it was a God thing. The doctor explained that Daniel probably only takes in 10% of what he hears, reads, and sees. This explained a lot. We now realized Daniel wasn't being defiant but truly did not understand what we were asking of him at times. We asked the doctor our big question,”Do you think Daniel can live independently someday?” I love the answer the doctor gave. He said he truly didn't know because Daniel had already exceeded the expectations given to someone with his diagnosis. He then encouraged me to continue to develop his communication skills, he said it would truly be a miracle if he could work up to a junior high level of reading and communication. The doctor suggested testing Daniel every couple of years to see how he is doing.

Well, it wasn't long after that first evaluation that it became evident that yes, Daniel is autistic. He has asperger's. If you have ever talked to Daniel for more than a minute, you can probably tell what his obsession is. Yep, Christian Rock Music. But, it hasn't always been Christian rock music. When he was in middle school he went through a short phase of being obsessed with the Presidents. But, then he became completely obsessed with sex and porn, and we were scared of what this meant for him and our families future. When we talked with the doctors and experts they said that once someone with asperger's has an obsession there is nothing you can do about it. I just didn't think that was true, and I remember him being obsessed with the presidents. I prayed about it and decided to get him help to deal with his confusion about sex (it was obvious he had been sexually abused, and that someone had mislead him). I also decided to help him find a healthy interest. So, I started buying him different things. Cars, models, tools, puzzles, music, games, dinosaurs, etc. Then one day it became clear he liked music. So, we started encouraging that interest. At the same time, we helped him work through his confusion about sex. We talked openly about it, and he admitted he didn't like how it controlled him, and it scared him. To help him feel safe, we put an alarm on his bedroom door at night, we locked him out of the computer, and we never let him go anywhere without his mom or dad. We did this for two years (it was difficult, but so worth the effort). During this time, he also went to therapy with a wonderful counselor. Over time his obsession did change completely to Christian Rock music. But, it wasn't til after he accepted Jesus as his personal savior that God helped release him from the bondage of sexual sin. That day will forever be in my mind too.

It was Good Friday, and I asked each of my children one on one to tell me what Good Friday meant to them. Daniel slowly explained in his unique way of conversing that Jesus died for his sins and then rose again to prove he was God. He told the complete story to me, I looked at him and asked him, “Do you believe that?” He said,”Yes.” So I asked him why he never asked Jesus to forgive his sins and be his savior. He didn't know. I said do you want to do that right now. He said yes, and we prayed right there. I have never had an experience like that before or since. But right as we prayed something heavy was lifted from that room and from Daniel. He and I both felt it. From that day forward, Daniel is truly a changed person.

He still struggles to connect and communicate with others. But, he is truly a miracle of God's Work. He is seventeen now, and last week he took his drives education exam and got the second highest score in his class (sister Rachel had the highest, and TylerAnn came in third after Daniel). I don't know what the future holds for him, but I am excited to see what God does. If you ever talk to Daniel I promise he will give you one of his bright eyed, dimpled grins that will make your week. God is good!

Links to learn more:

http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction/what-is-asperger-syndrome/what-is-asperger-syndrome-easy-read.aspx

http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2008/09/aspergers-obsessions.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Language-based_learning_disability

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reactive_attachment_disorder

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/ptsd.html

http://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/children

Daniel 10:12

Then he continued, "Do not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them." (NIV)