Just thinking outloud (Katie)

I have been thinking about life and how it can be so NOT what we planned. Sometimes that is a good thing. Like I never planned to have nine kids by the time I was 35, but what a blessing God has given me. On the other hand, it can not be so good. Like a dear sweet friend of mine, never planned to have cancer. I have to say that I am usually okay with the unexpected way of things, and try to remember that God works all things together for the good of those who love him. But, there are sometimes, that I just struggle with the big WHY? For example, my friend that has cancer, she is a great example of how God works though someone to love others. She is soft spoken and gentle with others. She works in a field that requires her to have great patience with others. She serves the Lord with all her heart, and she cares for her family (and they care for and love her). So, the one side of me says, see the Lord will use this to strengthen her, her family, others whom she comes in contact with, and maybe even to further the Kingdom with new soles brought to Christ. Yet, the other side of me argues does it have to be such a tough road, can't lives be changed without so much pain, sorrow, lose, and suffering. Yes, I know we live in a fallen world and these things are not of God's making, but of man's as we are decieved by the Evil one. But, God is God and he is capable of so much more than I know or am aware of. So, then my next question is if God can bring so much Glory to himself by a miraculous healing and a radical testimony of his Power, why not that way. I know, His ways are not Our ways. Some say we don't believe so we don't recieve. I have to tell you I believe! I think it is not a lack of belief in God's power to do the amazing in an instant, as much is it is a test to see if we trust him in the long run. I experience these times in my walk when I realize I didn't truly trust him to care for and protect me. I think I rely on him, but often I find I rely on my own strength to figure out how to make my budget work with such a large family. I trust my own mathmatic skills and my smart shopping skills, and I even often am proud of what I did to save money, or to stretch the funds. But, in truth, I realize it is only when I have to trust him, because there is no other way, that I lay it completely at his feet. I guess I wonder, do we ever learn to truly trust, to truly rely, to truly believe, or is it something that every morning we must ask of the Father to give us each day. I auctually have to start each and every morning asking Him to see me through the day, and at the end I am so thankful if I have made it through anothe day without forgetting to whom I belong. Just thinking out loud!